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  • Writer's picturejulieaboseley


Boundaries are an acknowledgment, whether spoken or energetic from us that says “I accept or don’t accept” what’s going on or being said etc.

It seems like a simple thing to say “Are your boundaries in place?”

Believe me it’s not!

The situations we are in may make that far more complex for us and in our lives our boundaries may shift and change to suit our needs.

Having our boundaries in place will feel wonderful!

You feel confident that the world knows exactly what you will and won’t accept around anything in your life and life is magical!…

In reality… life is a journey of learning. We may or may not ever set a boundary, we may make them at a pace that suits us or have to add/edit them as we go through life.

Why we may not be able to set boundaries may come from learnt responses to coping with trauma!

What is trauma?

We all think purely of things such as calamities disasters etc and they are but traumas can be slight, subtle. In fact anytime we learn to change our behaviour to preserve ourselves (primal instincts) we are in trauma mode. These are defences.

How to notice if we are using defences rather than boundaries.

Not speaking up our truth

Not speaking up for ourselves

Not telling the truth to avoid a difficult situation.

Agreeing with someone to avoid conflict

Not removing ourselves from a situation

Accepting what’s being said even though you know it’s not your belief

(This list is a brief overview)


Feeling unworthy

Low self worth will also prevent us creating healthy boundaries. If we feel we aren’t good enough or are not deserving of different treatment or that someone else knows what is better for us.


How do I know if my boundaries are in place?…

You have no problem saying what you believe, calmly and clearly and with love despite the response.

“The people who react to your new boundaries are the very people who benefited from you not having them to start with!”

What will happen when boundaries are in place?

Once we know from the heart what we will and won’t accept alongside knowing our worth, we will start to notice things in our lives shift and change.

We are the creator of our lives!

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